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Online greenapple

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Re: Laughter is the Best Medicine
« Reply #15 on: November 01, 2014, 07:37:04 AM »


One of the most shocking notes ever left by a wife
going out shopping:

'Honey, you're wallet is getting fat so I figured it's
time to take it out for a walk.'

Online greenapple

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Re: Laughter is the Best Medicine
« Reply #16 on: November 02, 2014, 09:59:35 AM »
              Fifty  Dollars
Bill and His wife Hillary went to the state fair every year, and every year Bill
would say, ' Hillary, I'd like to ride in that helicopter.'
Hillary always replied, ' I know Bill, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and
fifty dollars is fifty dollars.'
One year, Bill and Hillary went to the fair, and Bill said,'Hillary, I'm 85 years old.
If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.'
To this, Hillary replied,' Bill, that helicopter is fifty dollars. And fifty dollars is
fifty dollars.'
The pilot overheard the couple and said,' Folks I'll make a deal. i'll take the both
of you for a ride. If you can be quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I won't
charge you! But if you say one word, it's fifty dollars'
Bill and Hillary agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kind of maneuvers,but
mot a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but not a
word. When they landed the pilot turned to Bill and said, ' By golly,I did everything
I could to get you yell out,but didn't. I'm impressed!'
Bill replied, 'Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Hillary fell out,
but you know, fifty dollars is fifty dollars.'


Online greenapple

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Re: Laughter is the Best Medicine
« Reply #17 on: November 02, 2014, 11:57:36 AM »

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment:
Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day, the kids came back, and one by one,began to tell their stories. There were all regular
types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved. But then the teacher realized, only Edric was left.
'Edric, do you have a story to share?'
'Yes ma'am. My daddy told about a story about Aunt Emily. She was a pilot in Desert Storm,  and her
plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol and
a survival knife..
She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break, and then her parachute landed
her right in the middle of 20 Iraqis troops. She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of
bullets , killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her
bare hands'
'Good heavens!'said the horrified teacher. 'What did your daddy tell you was the moral of this horrible
story?'
'Stay the hell away from Aunt Emily when she's been drinking.'

Online greenapple

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Re: Laughter is the Best Medicine
« Reply #18 on: November 03, 2014, 02:55:35 PM »
Little Carol came into the kitchen where her mother was making dinner. Her birthday was coming up and she thought this was a good to e to yell her mother what she wanted.' Mom, I want a bike for my birthday.'
Now, little Carol was bit of troublemaker. She had gotten into trouble at school and at home.Carol's mother asked her if she thought she deserved to get a bike for her birthday. Little Carol, of course, thought she did.
Carol's mother, being a Christian woman, wanted her to reflect on her behavior over the last year, and write a letter to God and tell Him why she deserved a bike for her birthday. Little Carol stomped up the steps to her room and sat down to write a letter to God.

Letter1:
Dear God,
I have been a very good girl this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one.
Your friend,.Carol
Carol knew this wasn't true. She had not been a good girl this year, so she tore up the letter and started over.

Letter 2:
Dear God,
This is your friend Carol. I have been pretty good this year,and I would like a red bike for my birthday.
Thank you,
Carol
Carol knew this wasn't true either. She tore up the letter and started again.

Letter 3:
I know I haven't been good this year. I am very sorry. I will be a good girl if you just send me a red bike for my birthday.
Thank you,
Carol

Carol knew, even if this was true,this letter was not going to get her a bike. By now, she was very upset. She went downstairs and tell her mother she wanted to go to the church.. Carol's mother thought her plan had worked because Carol looked very sad.
'Just be home in time for dinner,' her mother said
Carol walked down the street to the church and up to the altar. She looked around to see if anyone was there. She picked up a statue of the Virgin  Mary, slipped it under her jacket and ran out of the church, down the street, into her house and up to her room. She shut the door and sat down and wrote her letter to God

Letter 4:
I GOT YOUR MAMA.
IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE OVER!!
Signed,
YOU KNOW WHO

Online greenapple

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Re: Laughter is the Best Medicine
« Reply #19 on: November 03, 2014, 03:10:56 PM »
...
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries
   are almost dead?

If people evolved from apes,
   Why are there still apes?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil
   from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

Why does a round pizza come in a squqre box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

Offline Potato

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Re: Laughter is the Best Medicine
« Reply #20 on: November 03, 2014, 03:18:20 PM »
There was an apple & a banana in a fruit basket.

The apple said to the banana, "Hello, Mr Banana!".


The banana became startled.
"Holy sh!t, a talking apple."

Online greenapple

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Re: Laughter is the Best Medicine
« Reply #21 on: November 04, 2014, 11:11:10 AM »
Oscar Weil and Benjamin Oppenheimer are Jews, and were sitting in a Chinese restaurant in Shanghai.
'Oscar,' asked Benjie, 'are there any Jews in China?'
'I don't know' Oscar replired.
'Why don't we ask the waiter?'
When the waiter came by, Benjie asked him, 'Are there any Chinese Jews here in Shanghai?'
'I don't know sir,let me ask,' the waiter replied, and he went into the kitchen.
He returned in a few minutes and said, 'No sir, no Chinese Jews'
'Are you sure?'Benjie asked
'I will check again, sir', the waiter replied and went back to the kitchen.
While he was still gone, Oscar said,'I cannot believe there are no Jews in China,our people are scattered everywhere.'
When the waiter returned he said'Sir,no Chinese Jews.'
'Are you really sure?' Benjie asked again.' I cannot believe there are no Chinese Jews.'
'Sir,I asked everyone', the waiter replied exasperated.' We have orange Jews,apple Jews, tomato Jews and grape Jews, but no one ever heard of Chinese Jews! If you want , we have Chinese tea'

Online greenapple

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Re: Laughter is the Best Medicine
« Reply #22 on: November 05, 2014, 09:23:14 AM »

The difference between friends and wives:

  You can always tell a friend-- 'You're my best friend...'
  But you can NEVER tell your wife-- 'You're my best wife..'

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Re: Laughter is the Best Medicine
« Reply #23 on: November 05, 2014, 05:48:25 PM »

 One afternoon, a blonde walks into the public library and goes straight to the
librarian's counter.. She SLAMS a book down then screams at the librarian:
' This has got to be the WORST book I've ever read! It has absolutely no plot,
but has far too many characters!'
The librarian look at the book, then slowly lifts her head to face the blonde and
calmly remarks: ' Oh, so you're the one who took our phonebook last week...'

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Re: Laughter is the Best Medicine
« Reply #24 on: November 07, 2014, 12:19:12 PM »


       I have a disease,
           it's called
       AWESOMENESS.

       But don't worry
           it's  NOT
          contagious!



  nice one, right?

Offline Turnip

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Re: Laughter is the Best Medicine
« Reply #25 on: November 07, 2014, 12:35:44 PM »
I was watching the Pirates of the Carribean with my kid brother.

There was a scene where the mermaids appeared.
He said, why can't the top half be the fish instead?

Hahaha

He has since entered primary school and said this joke to me the other day...

"Do you know what KFC stands for?"

Kids Fattening Center.

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Re: Laughter is the Best Medicine
« Reply #26 on: November 08, 2014, 07:51:05 PM »

The prospective father -in-law asked, " Young man, can you
 support a family?" The surprised groom-to-be replied, " Well,
 no, I was just planning to support your daughter. The rest of
you will just have to fend for yourselves."

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Re: Laughter is the Best Medicine
« Reply #27 on: November 09, 2014, 09:11:27 AM »


In a market survey, a man asked a lady:
"Ma'am, which book would you say helped
you the most in your life?"
Lady:'Why of course, it's my husband's cheque book'

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Re: Laughter is the Best Medicine
« Reply #28 on: November 09, 2014, 09:53:40 PM »

To prove his love for his wife, a man climbed Mt. Everest,
swam the Pacific Ocean, and crossed the Sahara desert.
In the end, she divorced him anyway...
because he was never HOME!

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Re: Laughter is the Best Medicine
« Reply #29 on: November 10, 2014, 07:28:29 AM »
*centre


---
What do you call bad entertainment?
[anti-tainment]

five arts forum

Re: Laughter is the Best Medicine
« Reply #29 on: November 10, 2014, 07:28:29 AM »
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