The Power of Forgiveness
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Offline ArtofFugue

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  • The Power of Forgiveness
    « on: December 20, 2014, 05:33:21 PM »
    Learn the benefits of compassion, how to experience forgiveness and why Revenge Doesn't Work
    Published on September 8, 2011 by Judith Orloff, M.D. in “Emotional Freedom”

    In my new book, I emphasize the importance of forgiveness and why revenge doesn’t work. Forgiveness is the act of compassionately releasing the desire to punish someone or yourself for an offense. It’s a state of grace, nothing you can force or pretend. There are no short cuts. Mistakenly, some of my patients, wanting to be “spiritual,” have prematurely tried to forgive after someone emotionally knifes them in the gut. First, you must feel anger before you can begin to forgive. I gradually guide patients to the large-heartedness of forgiving injuries either caused by others or self-inflicted.

    Revenge is the desire to get even when someone does you wrong. It’s natural to feel angry, to say “I’m not going to let that person get away with this,” whatever “this” is. However, revenge reduces you to your worst self, puts you on the same level with those spiteful people we claim to abhor. Additionally, studies have shown that revenge increases stress and impairs health and immunity. Sure, if someone hits you with a stick, you have the impulse to hit them back - the basis for wars. To thrive personally and as a species, we must resist this predictable lust for revenge, and seek to right wrongs more positively. This doesn’t make you a pushover; you’re just refusing to act in a tediously destructive way antithetical to ever finding peace. As Confucius says, "Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves." (One for you and the other for your antagonist.)

    What I’m suggesting is a version of “turn the other check” yet still doing everything to preserve what’s important to you. The hard part, though, is watching someone “get away with something” when there’s nothing you can do about it. Yes, your wife left you for the yoga instructor. Yes, your colleague sold you out. With situations like this in my life, I take solace in the notion of karma, that sooner or later, what goes around comes around. Also know that the best revenge is your success, happiness, and the triumph of not giving vindictive people any dominion over your peace of mind.

    Forgiveness refers to the actor not the act. Not to the offense but the woundedness of the offender. This doesn’t mean you’ll run back to your battering spouse because of compassion for the damaged person he or she is. Of course you want to spare yourself mistreatment. However, from a distance, you can try to forgive the conscious or unconscious suffering that motivates people. Our desire to transform anger is a summoning of peace, well worth the necessary soul stretching.

    To experience forgiveness, try this exercise from “EMOTIONAL FREEDOM’
    Emotional Action Step. Be Bigger Than Anger--Practice Forgiveness Now

    1.   Identify one person you’re angry with. Start with someone low on your list, not your rage-aholic father. Then you can get a taste of forgiveness quickly. After that you can proceed to tackle more challenging targets.
    2.   Honestly address your feelings. Talk to friends, your therapist, or other supportive people, but get the anger out. I also recommend writing your feelings down in a journal to purge negativity. Then, decide whether you want to raise the issue with someone.
    3.   Begin to forgive. Hold the person you’re angry with clearly in your mind. Then ask yourself, “What emotional shortcomings caused him or her to treat me poorly?” This is what you want to have compassion for, the area to forgive. Definitely, don’t subject yourself to shabby treatment, but reach for compassion for the person’s emotional blindness or cold heart.

    Here’s how forgiveness can work in a range of situations where you’d have every right to be angry. It establishes a kinder mindset whether or not you decide to confront someone.
    > A good friend acts inconsiderately when she’s having a bad day. Remember, nobody’s perfect. You may want to let the incident slide. If you do mention it, don’t make this one-time slight into a big deal. Give your friend a break--forgive the lapse.
    > A coworker takes credit for your ideas. Do damage control, whether it means mentioning this situation to the coworker, your boss, or Human Resources, and don’t trust her with ideas in the future. However, try to forgive the coworker for being such a greedy, insecure, mean-spirited person that she has to stoop so low as to steal from you.
    > Your mother-in-law is needy or demanding. Keep setting kind but firm boundaries so over time you can reach palatable compromises. But also have mercy on the insecurities beneath her neediness and demands--perhaps fear of being alone, of aging, of being excluded from the family, of not being heard. This will soften your response to her.
    > You suffered childhood abuse. The healing process of recovering from abuse requires enormous compassion for yourself and is facilitated by support from other abuse survivors, family, friends, or a therapist. Still, if you feel ready to work towards forgiveness of an abuser, it necessitates seeing the brokenness and suffering that would make the person want to commit such grievous harm. You’re not excusing the behavior or returning to it, but grasping how emotionally crippled he or she is, a huge stretch of compassion, but the path to freedom.

    Forgiveness is a paradigm-shifting solution for transforming anger. It liberates you from the trap of endless revenge so that you can experience more joy and connection. Forgiveness does more for you than anyone else because it liberates you from negativity and lets you move forward. Forgiving might not make anger totally dissolve but it will give you the freedom of knowing you are so much more.

    Judith Orloff MD is the author of the New York Times bestseller <<Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself From Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life>> (Three Rivers Press, 2011) upon which this article is based. Her work has been featured on The Today Show, CNN, the Oprah Magazine and USA Today. Dr. Orloff synthesizes the pearls of traditional medicine with cutting edge knowledge of intuition and energy medicine. An Assistant Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at UCLA, she passionately believes that the future of medicine involves integrating all this wisdom to achieve emotional freedom and total wellness. For more inspiration visit www.drjudithorloff.com.












    « Last Edit: January 31, 2018, 10:54:55 PM by ArtofFugue »
    By people sharing knowledge/info publicly, the info itself does not devalue to become "common internet data which lacks credibility and needs verifying". If everyone thinks in this way, nobody would want to share anymore in order to protect the value and integrity of their knowledge.

    Offline hokyau

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  • Re: The Power of Forgiveness
    « Reply #1 on: December 20, 2014, 06:00:18 PM »
    haha I have this book! Learning to let go, understanding that anger is self-destructive and not reacting helps too  ;)

    Offline ArtofFugue

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  • Re: The Power of Forgiveness
    « Reply #2 on: December 20, 2014, 06:05:56 PM »
    haha I have this book! Learning to let go, understanding that anger is self-destructive and not reacting helps too  ;)

    Did you also watch the 2014 movie "Railway Man" too?

    It's never easy to let go and forgive but we have to try to do it, not for them but for ourselves.
    By people sharing knowledge/info publicly, the info itself does not devalue to become "common internet data which lacks credibility and needs verifying". If everyone thinks in this way, nobody would want to share anymore in order to protect the value and integrity of their knowledge.

    Offline hokyau

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  • Re: The Power of Forgiveness
    « Reply #3 on: December 20, 2014, 06:16:35 PM »
    haha I have this book! Learning to let go, understanding that anger is self-destructive and not reacting helps too  ;)

    Did you also watch the 2014 movie "Railway Man" too?

    It's never easy to let go and forgive but we have to try to do it, not for them but for ourselves.
    Nope haven't been watching movies for a long time. Spend more time watching KDramas hahahaha But thanks for the headsup  :)

    About "for ourselves" yes! many times, our ego takes offence of things people do ... and the beauty of it is that they did not mean it ie unintentional ... so they are totally unaware of how we've interpreted their actions. Imagine ... the do'er has no clue you're upset & the do'ee is fuming because of the way he's interpreted the do'er's action. So silly!

    I've been taught that whatever happens, the only thing that's important is how we ourselves view it. Mental anguish is not inflicted upon us, we do it to ourselves. As an example, I did not allow myself to accept a certain vegetable's actions to bother me ;)

    Offline jellynut

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  • Re: The Power of Forgiveness
    « Reply #4 on: December 20, 2014, 06:23:14 PM »
    As an example, I did not allow myself to accept a certain vegetable's actions to bother me ;)

    It sounds more like you're trying to convince yourself with this one. Otherwise, why bother mentioning it at all.

    Offline hokyau

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  • Re: The Power of Forgiveness
    « Reply #5 on: December 20, 2014, 06:52:37 PM »
    As an example, I did not allow myself to accept a certain vegetable's actions to bother me ;)

    It sounds more like you're trying to convince yourself with this one. Otherwise, why bother mentioning it at all.
    hahaha I'm not perfect, just feeling happy I conquered that one ... but thanks for the reminder ;)

    Offline Axis

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    Re: The Power of Forgiveness
    « Reply #6 on: December 20, 2014, 07:07:44 PM »
    [Hidden post: You need login to forum to see it.]
    « Last Edit: December 20, 2014, 07:10:19 PM by Axis »

    Offline ArtofFugue

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  • Re: The Power of Forgiveness
    « Reply #7 on: April 04, 2015, 01:38:11 PM »
    « Last Edit: January 31, 2018, 10:45:12 PM by ArtofFugue »
    By people sharing knowledge/info publicly, the info itself does not devalue to become "common internet data which lacks credibility and needs verifying". If everyone thinks in this way, nobody would want to share anymore in order to protect the value and integrity of their knowledge.

    Offline ArtofFugue

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  • Re: The Power of Forgiveness
    « Reply #8 on: January 31, 2018, 10:48:52 PM »
    A teacher once asked her students to each bring to school a sack of potatoes.  For every painful experience they could recall, and for every person they could not forgive in their life, each student had to choose a potato and then carve into it the name of the antagonist, incident and the date of the occurrence.

    For an entire month the students were required to carry around their personalized sack of potatoes at all times.   It lay beside their bed at night, sat with them at lunch and on the bus, and while they were with friends.

    The hassle of lugging around this load soon made it profoundly clear what a weight they were carrying around emotionally.  The people whose names were inscribed on the potatoes were not in the least affected by the heavy burden.

    It seemed a rather high price to pay to hold onto people, situations and emotions that were of no positive value in their lives.  The students began to see forgiveness and letting go as a gift to themselves, rather than a gift to others.
    By people sharing knowledge/info publicly, the info itself does not devalue to become "common internet data which lacks credibility and needs verifying". If everyone thinks in this way, nobody would want to share anymore in order to protect the value and integrity of their knowledge.

    Offline ArtofFugue

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  • Re: The Power of Forgiveness
    « Reply #9 on: February 02, 2018, 03:00:24 PM »
    [Hidden post: You need login to forum to see it.]

    ................

    Thanks for sharing.

    I Ching also has something on forgiveness and letting go.



    « Last Edit: February 02, 2018, 03:04:05 PM by ArtofFugue »
    By people sharing knowledge/info publicly, the info itself does not devalue to become "common internet data which lacks credibility and needs verifying". If everyone thinks in this way, nobody would want to share anymore in order to protect the value and integrity of their knowledge.

    Offline Gupta

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  • Re: The Power of Forgiveness
    « Reply #10 on: February 03, 2018, 01:15:12 AM »
    @Macadamia  :o :-\ :-\ :-\

    lai lai lai come with peace ::)

    Offline Macadamia

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  • Re: The Power of Forgiveness
    « Reply #11 on: February 03, 2018, 02:36:20 AM »
    @Macadamia  :o :-\ :-\ :-\

    lai lai lai come with peace ::)


    I wonder what your original account nickname is... LOL

    Offline Covfefe

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  • Re: The Power of Forgiveness
    « Reply #12 on: February 03, 2018, 03:38:45 AM »
    @Macadamia  :o :-\ :-\ :-\

    lai lai lai come with peace ::)


    I wonder what your original account nickname is... LOL
    Admin Gupta?  :-\

    Soon newbie Admin ( with a new nick) will be translating and teaching us Heaven Instillation Treasure or ZPZQPZ. Yippee! Lai lai lai let’s learn together!

    Quoting Admin:
    Harsh truth  ???
    - Clone accounts. Clone accounts everyone. In fact the Administrator himself is going to use clone account to contribute translated text. In the future, if you see one member keep posting Heaven Instillation Treasure or ZPZQPZ text then he could be my clone account.
    Source: http://fivearts.info/fivearts/index.php?topic=16180.msg174651#msg174651
    🌈The purpose of life is to create your life as you see fit ☀️

    Online Administrator

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  • Re: The Power of Forgiveness
    « Reply #13 on: February 03, 2018, 03:50:33 AM »
    @Macadamia  :o :-\ :-\ :-\

    lai lai lai come with peace ::)


    I wonder what your original account nickname is... LOL
    Admin Gupta?  :-\

    Soon newbie Admin ( with a new nick) will be translating and teaching us Heaven Instillation Treasure or ZPZQPZ. Yippee! Lai lai lai let’s learn together!

    Quoting Admin:
    Harsh truth  ???
    - Clone accounts. Clone accounts everyone. In fact the Administrator himself is going to use clone account to contribute translated text. In the future, if you see one member keep posting Heaven Instillation Treasure or ZPZQPZ text then he could be my clone account.
    Source: http://fivearts.info/fivearts/index.php?topic=16180.msg174651#msg174651

    A clone never complain against another clone who never complain against clone.... ;D

    BTW welcome back after so many times leaving this forum.

    Offline ArtofFugue

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  • Re: The Power of Forgiveness
    « Reply #14 on: February 03, 2018, 11:25:43 AM »
    @Administrator : True indeed.

    Alot of clone accounts were talking to each other last night, it's all just 1 person talking to himself. Just ignore is the best.
    By people sharing knowledge/info publicly, the info itself does not devalue to become "common internet data which lacks credibility and needs verifying". If everyone thinks in this way, nobody would want to share anymore in order to protect the value and integrity of their knowledge.

    five arts forum

    Re: The Power of Forgiveness
    « Reply #14 on: February 03, 2018, 11:25:43 AM »
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